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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Too Fat To Go Outside?

I keep seeing these ads for diets where people praise them to the skies and then go on about how they didn't want to leave the house because they didn't look sexy.

It's not like they weighed a thousand pounds and physically couldn't leave...they just felt so bad about their looks that they didn't want to leave the house. And that is a normal way that everyone should feel.

If you're so hung up on your looks that if you gain weight you isolate yourself from society, your bod isn't the only thing that needs fixing. Kiss my fat ass, Jenny Craig. As it's going out the front door.

Stop Sign Optional

To the idiot who blew through the stop sign: I'm sure you didn't see me. Thankfully, I saw you. Though I was on the straightaway, I didn't trust you and slowed, and I was right.

You didn't even slow down at that stop sign, and your oversized penis substitution vehicle would have slammed into the passenger side of my little four-door at about 35 miles an hour if I hadn't seen you coming. I don't think my son would have appreciated that.


Your Baby Can Read...and Speak French!

Or you can leave them alone to have a childhood. At nine months, the most complex thing a baby should have to deal with is whether or not they have a poopy diaper. While it's always good to learn, there is such a tiny window of fun before the responsibility of being a proper part of society is foisted upon us all. Stop trying to insinuate that I'm a bad parent because I'm not jamming flash cards in my 18 month old's face.